That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
