I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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