please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
