I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
