Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
