well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
