I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
