we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
