Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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