I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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