In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
