I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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