if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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