The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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