my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's great music for shaving your balls
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
