I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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