The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
