I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
