Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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