PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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