what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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