Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Randomize