so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
