she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize