we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
