i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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