Your face is a jimmy john
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
