Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
