its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You are the jesus of drinking
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
