Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
