just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
