After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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