I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
