He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
