I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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