man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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