Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
MIDGETS
????
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
