I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
