Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
