To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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