Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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