I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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