My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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