Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
