Life is so much better after having sex.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
