dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
