i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
