no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
