I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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