She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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