It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
