What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
