It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize