I smell stomach acid.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
