I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
