I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
