I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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