I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
