forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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