My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
