I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
