he told me I talked like a deaf person
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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