We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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