If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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