I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
