Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize