Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
