I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
