well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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