He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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