I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sext me about skeletons
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
