He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize