if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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