I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
