Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
