they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
