I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
