Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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