I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize